Not too long ago, within two weeks, I got an amazing surprise in the mail. A brand new camera. Not just any camera, but a NICE one. A Rebel T1i, which was just for me. I was not expecting this camera at all, although I did hear from Miss Me that I was getting one, she was able to trick me into believing she was not telling the truth about 3 days later. I believed her.
Needless to say, I was shocked and floored when it came in the mail. I am quite sure my mouth was hanging open and I was unable to talk for a few minutes. It was a gift from a mutual friend of mine and Miss Me’s, who for whatever reason, decided to give me a gift that is pretty awesome. I am very thankful and have since used up all of my bandwidth at Flickr within about three days.
This same friend often listens to me bicker and whine when things don’t go quite my way, which is awfully nice of her. She’s also very brutally honest, so she generally tells me to STFU and get over myself, which in most cases, is exactly what I need to do. So, thanks for that too.
I have had difficulty in relationships for years, even though I believe I am a good person, I have major communication issues in my relationships, which is extremely odd because I am incredibly good at it with work or school, or anything not related to my actual relationship. Anyway, I sometimes struggle with insecurity, sometimes over my weight, sometimes because I know I screw up and I am afraid someone better will come along, sometimes because I have been hurt in the pass and my mind and body go into a panic because I have someone so amazing in my life and I don’t want to lose that, but then my panic usually just makes what I don’t want a reality. I have also come to realize I did something I said I would never do again, and that is lose myself in the relationship. It is by no means Miss Me’s fault, I think it probably irritates her more than it does me, but now that I have come to this realization, I can move forward to putting my feet back on the ground and going after life with a passion, like I was doing when her and I first met. I think that is probably what drew her to me to begin with and I have lost that. But not for long!
It has been frustrating, it has been difficult to admit, hard to face and even more un-glorious to try to defeat.
I am working on some stuff to build my confidence back. After years of feeling alone I am reaching out to some of my oldest friends. Friends who have been there for me for years, and in some ways, I think they could use me around again too. We’ve been through a lot, and I think we have an understanding that goes back from years and years ago to help us remember who we are.
I spoke with one of these friends last night and he was talking about riding the waves of the universe. I asked him how he got this attitude about himself and he told me, just say yes to everything for a week. You can’t ride the waves if you refuse to get on.
I think he is absolutely correct. So, I’ve said yes, and now I’m signed up for all sorts of stuff, haha. I am looking forward to rekindling this passion of mine and lighting a fire to keep it going.
Yes, Friends ARE great!
